by Jon Long Sr on July 25, 2010
Good Morning,
There is an old German Proverb which reads, “Blood is thicker than water”1 dating back to 1180. It generally means that the bonds of family and common ancestry are stronger than those bonds between unrelated people, such as that found in friendship.
Much like just about anything else, there are always exceptions, for there are some people I’ve met that wouldn’t walk across the street for a family member and instead put all of their faith and efforts in a newfound friend. On the flipside, I have seen others that will risk and even give their life for another, especially in battle, but these tend to be the exception and certainly good fodder for another time.
What I am thinking about here are actual blood relationships and how we will do things for a family member that we wouldn’t even consider for a friend or acquaintance, let alone someone we have never met. It seems there is a dynamic force that can cause us to quickly forgive, stretch the limits of our ethics, marginalize our integrity, take on financial burdens and even go as far as to give body parts when needed, all for the sake of the “blood”.
So my question is “What is it that creates this kind of bond?”
- Could it be that helping a family member is in some esoteric way helping ourselves?
- Is it because family members are linked with us like no other through our common DNA?
- Does it go beyond the physical to some kind of a psychic connection when we share these commonalities? There are cases of twins separated at birth that have this kind of connection while others experience similar experiences knowing each other.
- Could it be just a social expectation/obligation imposed on us by a somewhat civilized society?
- Could it be a throwback to when we were even less civilized and depended on our family group for protection and survival?
- Could this tendency be intrinsically written in our genes? If so, it becomes the natural thing to do in protecting our own.
In nature looking out for family members happens all the time, I believe it occurs mostly with mammals. So maybe it isn’t such a conscious decision after all. (Don’t you just love Meerkats?)
So for whatever the reason, physiological, physical, social or cosmic, the tendency does exist and I personally believe it is a good thing. I see it as how we have survived so long in this world. Now… if we, and I mean everyone, could just recognize that we are all family and ultimately are all related2, albeit to a very distant ancestor… then act accordingly.
It could/would be a different world we now live in. Kind of a “Heaven on Earth” you could say. Maybe that was the whole idea to begin with.
Love, Dad
Notes:
- Originally: Blut ist dicker als Wasser.
- For more information on this read, The Seven Daughters of Eve by Brian Sykes (I did).
Note: the Amazon Link to the book is not an affiliate link. I don’t get paid if you go there. I found the book and the science behind it quite interesting.
Images:
by Jon Long Sr on July 19, 2010
Good Morning,
“Words and hearts should be handled with care for words when spoken and hearts when broken, are the hardest things to repair.” Unknown.
I do not recall when I first started to feel this way about words, but I have to imagine it was sometime in my late adolescence. It takes a few years under your belt before you can appreciate the feelings of others and actually come out of yourself enough to have empathy for others. I am also pretty sure that there are some whom never fully make the trip..
Maybe it is a “Me First” thing that causes some people to be into themselves. When did people start putting “Me” first before another in a sentence? I.e. Me and George rather than George and I. I seem to pickup on it every time someone says that and to me, well it just sounds rude. You know, kind of like stepping in front of someone at a doorway, or cutting in line. While it may not be knowingly meant that way by the person saying it, it still remains my perception. I am sure it is a byproduct of the way I was raised and taught to speak.
My mom used to tell me that “If I didn’t have anything good to say, don’t say anything at all.” Of course I was too young to understand the full implication of not following her advice. That came much later. I have learned to have a greater respect for those who wouldn’t say S**t, if they had a mouthful.
For me, learning to be careful of what I say could well have come from the bad taste and feathers left in my mouth from “eating crow”. Never very palatable anytime, kind of like that cigarette butt someone dropped in your beer, or that unexpected mouth full of sour milk right out of the carton. Things you never quite forget.
There is of course, the damage control after the fact for once you have said them, words cannot be taken back, unlike an email retracted or a letter never sent. There are no second chances, no eraser that can fix it. Brake a piece of china and you can glue it back together oh so carefully, but there will always be the hairline cracks to serve as a reminder of the time you were careless. The same can be said of a broken heart carelessly crushed with words spoken in anger.
I forget now where I heard it, but someone once told me that when I am angry at someone, I should sit down and write a letter to that person, edit it, get it just perfect, read it over one last time and then ceremoniously tear it up. The therapy having been accomplished and the potential harm averted. I have a number of those letters in my email drafts. I should delete those sometime.
Words have a way of coming back around to haunt at the most unexpected times. Sometimes even many years later they will show up at your doorstep. Not necessarily the words themselves, but the collateral damage they caused. I think it is because people may not remember exactly what you said, but they will remember how you made them feel with what you said. And… while the exact words may fade, it was your words that delivered the blow.
So… I have learned that it is very important to support your children and encourage them to be what they dream. Napoleon Hill once said “Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence ill plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another.” At no time could that be truer than when talking to your children. They remember things, as I have been reminded and number of times over the years.
In the words of Edward Bulwer-Lytton, “The pen is mightier than the sword…” So be very careful how you wield it.
Love, Dad
Thank you Syyd for the inspiration.
The Eating Crow picture came from here, although since it was found in numerous places I’m not sure who to give the credit.
